Food · General · Writing

Don’t mess with my pizza.

That’s just wrong on so many levels. Pizza is the kind of sustenance that you need to get right. You just can’t give the client something they didn’t order and expect them to go along with it! I was craving pizza today, and even though I have some ready-made pizza dough at home that I could’ve layered with some toppings and stuck in the oven, there’s something “special” about ordering a pizza and having it delivered to your home steaming and ready for eating.

I went with an extra cheesyย Margherita and waited impatiently until it arrived. When the delivery boy, I snatched it a little too eagerly out of his hands, paid him and sent him off on his way. It was just me and my pizza! I got a tall glass of Pepsi and opened the box, only to be met with disappointment.

What wasย supposedย to be a large Margherita ended up being a vegetarian pizza that looked anything but large. The next few moments were spent in contemplation. I could:

a) call the pizza place and demand a new pizza.

b) call the pizza place, demand a refund and make my own pizza.

c) just settle for my vegetarian pizza.

This should give you an idea of how I looked while eating. (Source:
This should give you an idea of how I looked while eating. (Source:

I’m a little ashamed of myself, because I allowed my hunger to overpower me and settled for the pizza… and how I wish I hadn’t. I mean, I don’t mind vegetarian pizza as long as it’s done well, but this one was just wrong in almost every aspect. The crust was very thin, the veggies felt a little undercooked and the amount of cheese was less than average. I dejectedly ate through my money’s worth. This got me thinking, however, about some things that you just shouldn’t be allowed to mess with. In the spirit of making lists and in no specific order, here are the things I consider off-limits:

1) Pizza, for obvious reasons.

2) Chocolate. If a chocolate bar is not consumed on the spot, chances are I saved it for a rainy day, and if that days comes and the chocolate is gone, the person who took it would be in for trouble.

3) Books. If you ask me to lend you a book, you must abide by my rules: no folding back covers, no writing on pages, no dog-earing and certainly no spine cracking.

4) Work. Not that my work is sacred, but rather… I do not appreciate being disturbed when I’m neck deep in work and deadlines.

5) Trust. I’m generally a really trusting person. Some might call that gullible, but I trust all people until they give me a reason not to. I do not like it at all when that trust is abused though.

6) My bed. Call me weird, but I absolutely do not like it when others sit on my bed, regardless of who they are.

7) Gadgets. My laptop, phone, tablet and other electronic devices are not to be touched by anyone unless authorized by me.

8) My family and friends. No explanation needed.

9) My writing. Nobody had tried to mess with it thus far, but the first person who tries it will not be in for a treat I can assure you!

Have you ever ordered a sucky pizza? What did you do/would you have done if you were in my position? Is there anything that you consider off-limits?

Also, this image made me laugh:

That'd be one cool job to have, amirite?
That’d be one cool job to have, amirite?


34 thoughts on “Don’t mess with my pizza.

  1. Take it from someone who’s worked for five years in the pizza industry, you’re not the only one who doesn’t like to have their pizza messed with. However, having worked in the food industry for 6-7 years in all, I think that messing with people’s food in general is typically considered a criminal offense by most. But I’ve never heard so much complaining and even threats being passed along for anything as I have for getting someone’s pizza order wrong–or for not giving them their way because what they wanted wasn’t within our policies of practice.

    For instance, I once talked to a customer who thought that, because he’d talked to a manager at another store, he could use any credits he’d accrued there at ours, which wasn’t the case. When I informed him that he’d have to take it to the store that owed him the credits, he became more and more upset (after so ironically claiming that because it was Sunday, he wanted to be on his best behavior). He exclaimed that he couldn’t go back to the other store, and as time went on, I could see why they’d denied him service. Let’s just say that before the conversation was over, he told me, in so many words, that I was a lousy worker and said that the management could go f*** itself, then hung up.

    I was one of the best phone operators there, second only to management who could make up their minds about solutions without consulting anyone else as I had to, and eventually, I became good enough that they trusted my judgement to let me fix a lot of problems alone. So I was often the one who had to deal with the unhappy customers, and could tell you so many stories it would make your head spin. But, because of this 5 years worth of experience, I definitely have a fourth option to offer you for the future if this situation rises again!

    I don’t know what pizza company you ordered from (Papa John’s, Pizza Hut, Domino’s, or another place that’s not as mainstream as these three) so I couldn’t say that it’s within their policy to do this, and they may try to deny you. But this is something that usually satisfied many customers I dealt with who didn’t feel like sitting through the process of waiting for another pizza to be remade and sent out.

    But this option is to request a credit for a future order. You simply call them, explain the problem, and state that you don’t really want to wait for another pizza, but if you could get a credit applied for the next order you place (which in many cases will get you a free pizza altogether as they base it on the price you paid for the pizza you got, minus tax and tips), then it would be fine. I might also suggest asking to speak with a manager from the start if it’s not one of the three major places I named above (specifically Pizza Hut and Domino’s who I know for a fact practice this policy) because a typical phone operator may not know how to handle this, or just say they don’t offer credits without bothering to check.

    Also, it’s sometimes a good idea to call the place regardless of whether or not you’re actually issuing a complaint because in many cases, the driver had two runs to deliver, and you’re getting the wrong pizza simply because he or she switched their bags accidentally and gave you what someone else has ordered, which means the other customer is getting (or has already gotten) YOUR pizza. This isn’t always the case, but it’s happened several times, and in some situations, drivers can be alerted to their mistake because many of them carry cellphones, and can then return to your place with the right pizza and take the one you got to the proper customer.

    The other possibility is that they only had to take one delivery, being yours, but grabbed someone else’s altogether, so your food could still be sitting up at the store waiting on you. I’ve had a ton of drivers so eager to get out the door and try to make the service as fast as possible so they could return and get more tips more frequently that they’ll grab the first bag they come across without checking it and run away. Whenever I was the one on the cut table, I wouldn’t let them leave without making sure what they got was the right order!

    Ah the art of pizza delivery, it’s a pain! LoL

    But there’s you a fourth option for the future! Also, if you want a little advice, most pizza places that you’ve ordered from previously keep tabs on your order history through the phone number you use (or the address they’re delivering to in some cases). So in order to make sure you get your credit without trouble, make a note of BOTH the phone number and address they’re applying the credit to, otherwise when you call for that free food, they might not draw up any credits in the computer if you use another number like a cellphone number, or if you’re at a friend’s house ordering, and it’ll be a hassle to figure out why they’re denying your claim!

    Anyway, I hope this helps! Sorry for being so long winded! ๐Ÿ˜€

    1. You know, one reason I didn’t call back is that I don’t like making the employee feel awkward or embarrassed about their mistake. Plus, I didn’t want them to get into trouble over one measly pizza.

      As for the fourth option you suggested, while it seems like a pretty nifty solution, I’ve never heard of any restaurant following a credit system. It would’ve been cool if they did; I would’ve definitely taken advantage of that!

      However, I never really thought about the possibility that they might’ve gotten my orders mixed up! Now that sounds really plausible. You’re making me wish I called back; I’m still craving a Margherita and this craving will not be satisfied until I have one, or at least a more decent pizza!

      Don’t worry about being long winded! It was interesting to hear about this from the perspective of someone who has experience in the pizza industry. Thank you for sharing. =D

  2. not too many things worse than the wrong pizza — I am sorry — I love your list of things not to mess with — I am trying to think of something to add that you didn’t and I guess it would have to be my husband and sons (though you did mention family)

  3. As usual, your post is always entertaining, Zen. I just ate two slices of pizza less than 30mins ago. I hate it that our guest concessionaire here in the company only offers two flavors: hawaiian and pepperoni. I don’t like the former, and the latter is not that tasty. Still, I ordered both. Haha!

    You have so many off-limits things/stuff…Now, I am trying to create my own list. Haha!

    1. Thanks, Monica! Aww, it sucks that your choices are limited. =[ I understand your dislike for hawaiian, and I too never was a big fan of pepperoni. I prefer margheritas, or else shrimp pizzas. At least you got what you ordered though. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Oh, I wouldn’t say they’re too many! I’m pretty laid back about most other things.

  4. One of my learning experiences in life was when I walked into a fast food place and asked for a strawberry and ham pizza. When the counter lady said, ‘We don’t keep those”, I genially asked her whether it was a Chinese restaurant before leaving:)

    And what was the learning experience you may be wondering. Well it helped me to overcome my fear of making mistakes….


    1. You know, this is the first time I’ve heard of a strawberry and ham pizza! That sounds like such a strange combination.
      And that is definitely a good learning experience. Sadly, I have yet to overcome that same fear.
      Thank you for your comment, Shakti!

  5. Haha I’m definitely with you on the pizza and the books. I am very careful who I lend mine out to and always inspect it when I get it back to check that there are no spine breakages! ๐Ÿ˜›

    I’m sorry your pizza was a letdown!

    1. That’s what I do too! I really can’t stand cracks in the spines. I remember this one time a friend asked to see a book I was reading, and the moment it becomes in her hands she goes and folds back the cover. I shrieked in alarm and told her she’s never touching my books again, haha.

      1. Lol, that is so hilarious because I am just like that, AND I have a similar anecdote! My grandad picked up one of my 1000 page books and opened it wide right in the middle and all I could do was stare with my mouth agape in horror and a little squeak came out because THE SPINEEEEEEE. Glad to know I’m not the only one. ๐Ÿ™‚

        1. Ahaha, I would’ve been horrified if that happened to me too! And it’s worse with large books because their spines can get cracked in more than one place, and when that happens the cracks end up being extremely obvious.

  6. I love your ‘don’t mess with’ list, Zen. It gave me a good chuckle because I agreed with every one of them ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’d just add one more – Don’t mess with my coffee. It’s such a disappointment when you get a take-away and walk three steps out the door to rush back to work and it’s frickin burned and cold! YUCK! (as you can see I’m pretty passionate about my coffee).

    I would have done the same as you with the pizza and just eaten it – otherwise you’re just hanging around for another 45 minutes waiting for them to get the real one to you (also, I imagine a vegetarian somewhere in your area was equally disappointed when they got yours) ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. Ooh I agree with you on coffee! I cannot stand it when it’s cold. The same goes for tea. They both taste really gross once they’re no longer steaming. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      And I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one who would’ve eaten it! And I only think they would’ve been disappointed if they are of the type who doesn’t consume milk products, otherwise they would’ve been pretty having receiving an extra cheesy LARGE pizza for half the price. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. I like your off-limits list, Zen. I loaned a book to my sister once and she dropped it in the bathtub when she was reading it. It came back all wrinkled and ruined even though she tried to dry it. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ We’ve had the wrong pizza delivered before, and we usually call right away. We might have to wait, but they’ve always made it right.

    1. Oh dear. If that had happened to me I would undoubtedly be furious. It’s not just books either; I believe that if you lend someone something, anything, they should return it in the same condition they received it.
      And I suppose I could’ve called and asked for a new pizza, but I was too hungry! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  8. We have so much in common, Zen A.! I agree with all of your points (even #6, but I have become a bit more relaxed in that respect over the years). ๐Ÿ˜‰
    I have been in that same situation: Wrong pizza delivery. Totally freaked out about it. It is so mean if something like that happens when you are looking forward to your pizza; I totally understand your disappointment. What I did though: Took a deep breath, called the pizza service, complained, calmly but firm, and they delivered a new one. So there was a happy ending, after all. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. I feel so bad right now; I don’t know how I missed this! I apologize profusely for not replying sooner! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      That said, what you did is probably the right way to go about it! I really should’ve called back and asked for a new one, haha.

  9. Every time I tried ordering a Dominos pan pizza, they didn’t give me the toppings I asked for. I only tried twice, but it was awful anyway. Both times it was a specialty pizza–Wisconsin Six Cheese–and both times I ordered the same toppings–chicken, onion, pineapple, roasted red peppers–and was severely disappointed. Just the specialty pizza, with none of my toppings. It was delicious but I was sad. I think it must be an online ordering glitch, because when I order it as hand-tossed, I get all my toppings. Still, it was terrible, and Dominos did nothing to help. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    We ended up posting a snarky photo and caption on Instagram. I hope they see it and feel bad. ๐Ÿ˜›

    1. Yeah, I feel online orders always tend to get things mixed up. Nothing better than getting it hot out of the oven at the pizza place.
      And I wouldn’t worry about the instagram picture; serves them right for not helping their customers!

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