I have always found it difficult to let go. I could probably describe myself as a hoarder… of things, feelings, relationships, jobs… I have a collection of currencies that I began when I was six, and a collection of boarding passes that I’ve started since 2007. I also collect cards, pens, notebooks, books and even broken gadgets. Once a thing acquires any sort of sentimental value, no matter how small, I cannot bring myself to throw it away. Once I become emotionally invested in something or someone, I can never forget about them or the feelings they’ve left within me.
I’m supposed to be on holiday now, taking a break from the stress of months and months of exhausting work. But I cannot stop thinking about it. I can’t stop worrying about what’s going on. I check my email regularly, I try to make sure everything’s going smoothly. I can’t wait to get back so I can grab the reigns again. It’s terrible.
I recently went through a tough breakup, in which I did not only lose the person I thought I was going to marry, but I lost a best friend too. Though I know I should try to move on, I’m always thinking about what they’re up to, I can’t stop wishing we were still together, despite everything that happened at the end and despite knowing it would fail. Even now as I write this, I can’t stop tearing about it. This is my first breakup and I am not handling it well at all.
So I’m distracting myself and using the rest of my vacation to finish working on the second edition of Puppet Parade. Of course, even with this I cannot let go. Though I’ve already trimmed it down considerably and fixed many things that were bothering me in the first edition, and read the whole thing more than two times, I can’t help but think there’s still something left to be fixed. Since I’m going through the trouble of editing it a second time, I want it to be perfect… even though I know perfection and writing do not go hand in hand.
This has been my life in a nutshell over the past couple of months. I know I’ve been terrible at keeping up with the blog, but I am not in good place in my life right now. Still, I don’t have reservations discussing this here… I’ve often worn my heart on my sleeve. And I suppose it’s good to keep myself occupied with one thing or the other.
How easily can you let go? Are you obsessed with your work? Did you ever remain friends with your exes?
And if you don’t feel like answering any of those questions, I’ll leave you with a treat I had yesterday. Needless to say, I’ve been coping with copious amounts of chocolate.